Thursday's Theory: Whore Numbers

Another Thursday Theory has arrived.  On Thursdays we will look into one of my crazy or dead on theories.  These will be all over the board, and most are just my observation.  So don't get all upset and huffy puffy.

Yesterday, I asked what number of dicks, asses, or pussies, makes you a whore?

I got some responses, the best one is this formula...

(Your Age/2) + 7 ≤ Number of sexual partners

If after solving this equation you find it to be true using your numbers, you are a whore.  Mathematically speaking of course.  

If it proves false, you're still not a whore.

I'm not a whore...got some work to do.

So post your results in the comments below!

Next Episode:  Fucked Up Friday...

Wednesday's with Whorie

Welcome to Wednesday's with Whorie...

Today and in future installments we will review the multiple types, activities, and environments of the whore.  First, I say whore with neither a positive or a negative connotation.  Each case of being a whore needs to be considered solely on the character of the individual.  We all have a little whore in us, some a little more than others.  This is not to be confused with having a lot of whores in you.  That is a story for another day.

For this installment of Wednesday's with Whorie, we will look at how many is too many?  How many of what?  Sex partners.  How many is too many dicks, asses, or pussies?

So what have you kids heard out there on the street?  I'm asking you what number makes you a whore?

Next Episode:  Thursday's Theory...

Workin' the Poll

The poll has closed.  Here are the results.

With 100% of the precincts reporting we can successfully say that after a blow job you swallow.

However, these results far from unite us.  The vast majority of us are giving poor blow jobs or no blow jobs at all.

First, if you are giving a blow job, you already have the penis in your mouth.  Just swallow.  PUSSIES!

Second,  if you don't give blow jobs, who the hell do you think you are?  WHO?

Still Up:  Wednesday's with Whorie...

Textacular Tuesday

It's Textacular Tuesday!!!! Woo hoo!!!

On Textacular Tuesday we will examine common text pitfalls, correct etiquette, and some funny examples.

First off, I will never ever claim to be the grammar police.  Ever.  I'm from Tennessee.  I'm glad I finally learned to wear shoes and operate the 'pooter.  (Computer for you Yankee's.)  However, I can still speak, type, text, and understand, basic North American English.  Some of us are not so lucky.

Was I a little harsh?  Probably, but this is a common occurrence.  I'm not sure who popularized this type of "communicating", but it is obnoxious.

Key take away...

Save the text speak, jargon, and random jibber jabber for your close friends.  When talking to someone new keep it normal, as much as you can.

So I know you've all seen this, but are you guilty of it too?

Next Episode:  Wednesday's with Whorie...

Monday Me Time

Welcome to the first edition of Monday Me Time!  This one is all about me, and what's going on with my life.

I have been talking to a handsome guy recently, we actually even met up for dinner.  He seemed like a nice guy, and the dinner date went really well.  We both confirmed that it had.

When I meet someone I use the test drive rule.  The first date is a test drive.  Everything before then doesn't really matter, and we're not obligated to buy the car after the test drive.  That works for both parties.  No reasoning necessary.  I'm alway pretty up front about this.

I explained this policy to the handsome guy, and he responded enthusiastically with a "I'm the same way."  GREAT!

Well a week after the date I hadn't heard anything else from him.  So I texted him, and got a very short response.  Yes, everyone we can tell when you're being short in a text.  It's pretty clear when you don't want to be bothered.  So I tell him to text me whenever he can, and I would talk to him later.

Two weeks later....nothing.  So I text him again.  "Hi, How have you been?"  "Oh, crazy busy.  Sorry, I've been MIA."  Well, I give him the benefit of the doubt here, and let it go.

Two additional weeks later...still nothing back.  I finally relent and send him a simple "Good luck.  I hope you find what you're looking for."  He responds with the same sentiment back.

Yes, he could very well have been busy.  Sure he wasn't too busy to log in to the same app we met on and view my profile multiple times over those multiple weeks.  He was too busy to tell me he wasn't interested.

Clearly, he wasn't interested right?  The one thing that perplexes me, is why when given the opt out after a test drive didn't he use it?  It saves us both the trouble and drawing it out.

Did I do something wrong or am I missing something?

Next Episode:  Textacular Tuesday...

Monday's Morning Wood

There is nothing quite like the pleasure of morning wood.  So to help your week start off right here is your Monday morning wood.  It isn't perverted...it's just natural.

Grrrrrrrrrrr!  Feel free to go to the bathroom and take care of things.

Still Up:  Monday Me Time...

Sunday's Sinful Sex

Today is the Lord's Day.  After getting up and going to church, I have decided to write a series of blogs about truly sinful sex.  We're not talking normal people sex.  No missionary here folks.  This will be the stuff you may not have ever heard of, hoped no one really did, or thought was an urban legend.

Today's sinful sex act is:  Water sports.  Water sports does not involve a boat, water skiing, or a pool...well I guess it could include a pool.   This water sport involves urinating on, in, or around, someone or yourself.   (Yes I said in...like in your mouth, vag, or ass) This act is also known as WS, golden showers, or playing in the rain.  (Okay I made the last one up....but it works right?)

Here is a diagram of what this is like:

Now before you go getting all disgusted and up in a roar, think about the act for a second.  Yes, peepee is nasty...in your mind.  However, realistically it is sterile.  There are very limited risks in catching something from engaging in this activity.  (I'm no doctor, don't quote me.)  So calm the fuck down.

Do I think it's gross?  It could be, depends on who you're doing it with.  Have I done it?  Fuck no.  I would probably try it, though.  After a lot of alcohol....  This isn't a strictly gay act either ladies.  Your man would probably love to shower you in his essence. 

So are any of you out there piss princesses?

Next Episode:  Monday Me Time....

Bathroom Galleria de Art

Welcome to the Bathroom Galleria de Art!  Here are some fun sketchings from a bathroom in the city of Atlanta.  I hope you enjoy!!!

Can you guess the bathroom?

Still up:  Sunday's Sinful Sex...

Saturday's Subscriber Solicitation

On Saturday's Subscriber Solicitation, I will respond to a comment, email, or verbal attack from a reader.  Today I have chosen a comment, in the future I would like to respond to emails.  (Hint Hint)

Today's comment comes from Anonymous who posted the following on the 2nd blog post...

To which I respond:  Go fuck yourself.

You should have read the 1st blog before posting, and took your own advice and lightened up.  I could have said non-scene gay man, but that isn't very catchy.  Is it?  I'm not hung up on the word "gay", and I'm definitely not ashamed of my sexuality.  I also don't give a fuck about how anyone else lives their lives.  It's my fucking blog, and I'm going to be as light or as stereotypical, as I damn well please.

Next Episode:  Sunday's Sinful Sex...

Fucked Up Friday

Welcome to another exciting installment of Fucked Up Friday!

I went with another story from a close friend for this installment.  We will call her Melons.  Melons will most likely be the topic of another story or 500 in this blog.  I would remember her, if I was you.

Melons, like Juggelette, was a very pretty girl.  (Yeah, I'm being nice, so no nasty-grams about including either of you in the blog)  They both got lots of attention, for different reasons.  So one night after a lot of drinks...I MEAN A LOT OF DRINKS...Melons decided she wanted some company for the night.  She went home with a man.

Melons was unfortunately on her period.  Oh no!  What's a girl to do?  Melons went home with the guy, and did the right thing.  She disclosed her condition.  The man was unphased.  (A real trooper or freak)  So things continued to progress, and eventually both people were naked.  (Scandalous)  Sexy time was upon them.  The man reached down, yanked out her tampon, and through it across the room.  Graphical depiction below...

Well if the story ended there it would be funny.  However, the story doesn't end there.

Melons and the man have a wonderful night of drunken passion.  Melons stays the night, and they wake up together the next morning.  The man gets up and Melon begins to look for her tampon.  She finds it!!!!  Here is where the story takes a turn....

One version has Melons throwing the tampon away.  (How thoughtful!)

Another version has Melons reinserting the tampon and leaving.  (Resourceful!)

I will let the audience decide what is more likely.  So that's it...pretty fucked up, huh?

Next Up:  Saturday's Subscriber Solicitation...

Thursday's Theory: Gaydar Effectiveness

The first Thursday Theory has arrived.  On Thursdays we will look into one of my crazy or dead on theories.  These will be all over the board, and most are just my observation.  So don't get all upset and huffy puffy.

I will be the first one to say that I have awful gaydar.  It's pretty much so the worst ever.  It does work, though.  In my hometown it would work somewhat, but in Atlanta it's awful.

So my theory is this:  The larger the city the less effective your gaydar.  

For example in the town of Bethel Alaska.  Your gaydar would function like a well oiled machine.  Spotting homos from miles away.  In New York City...you're fucked. 

Why? 

A lot of this has to do with the high concentration of hipsters and metrosexuals.  How is a gay guy to tell what is really available to him?  No one is holding gay signs or anything.  I guess you could go up and ask them...but who wants to do that?

So agree or disagree?

Next Episode:  Fucked Up Friday

10 Posts Down...

I've successfully published 10 blog posts, and the page has had well over 1000 views.

  

I look forward to continuing to see this thing grow, and an eventual site redesign.  (Send suggestions BTW)

Thank you to everyone for reading, commenting, and voting.

Wednesday's with Whorie

Welcome to Wednesday's with Whorie...

Today and in future installments we will review the multiple types, activities, and environments of the whore.  First, I say whore with neither a positive or a negative connotation.  Each case of being a whore needs to be considered solely on the character of the individual.  We all have a little whore in us, some a little more than others.  This is not to be confused with having a lot of whores in you.  That is a story for another day.

There are 5 different types of whores, but they all have common ties.  The whore will gain satisfaction from using something.  That something that they use is how they are classified.

Types of Whores

• The multimedia whore-  The multimedia whore will use the internet, text messages, or even newspaper ads to get their satisfaction.  (Ex.  Grindr Whore, Text Whore, Skype Whore)  I am guilty of being an internet whore.  There I said it.  I feel much better getting that off my chest.

• The sex whore-  The sex whore is the most traditional of all the whore types.  This is the whore that is addicted to sex.  Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime....that's their style.  (Ex.   We all know one...)

• The tranny whore-  The tranny whore, short for transitional whore, is a whore that is in transition from one type or whore to another.  (Ex.  Jerry was a multimedia whore, but I fear he has become a sex whore.  Don't tell mom.)

• The relationship whore-  The relationship whore gets their satisfaction out of relationships.  Friendships, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, marriages, and any other type of relationship you can think of, will and can be used by the relationship whore to get their satisfaction.  (Ex.  The person that changes their boyfriend/girlfriend more than they change their underwear.)

• The substance whore-  This whore is addicted to a substance and gets their kicks from that.  These can very in severity depending on the substance.  (Ex. Crack Whore, Beer Whore, Diet Coke Whore)

Again, it really depends on the person as to if being a whore is good or bad.  So which whore are you? (You are one BTW)

Next Episode:  Thursday's Theory

Textacular Tuesday

It's Textacular Tuesday!!!! Woo hoo!!!

On Textacular Tuesday we will examine common text pitfalls, correct etiquette, and some funny examples.

In today's world most people text to get to know one another, instead of talking on the phone, or instead of actual human interaction.  After a little while the texts start flying, and you have all kinds of people you're texting in your inbox.  Many of those have no contact information associated with them.  Honestly, half of these people you will never hear from after a few texts.  (Maybe that's just me. :-/ )  Eventually you get tired of having the thread in your phone and you delete it.  You feel clean after the purge, and I'm sure that helped my phone be faster or some shit.  All is good in the world...until this happens....

Damn.  There goes my chance at a sugar daddy.  Silly.  All of this could have been prevented with one simple action.

Always add the person's first name, where you met them, and a photo to your contacts.

This is regardless of how long you may think you'll talk to them.  I say add the first name, but you can feel free to add the last name if possible.  I don't give out my last name to people because I don't want my social security number stolen and shit.  Adding where you met the person can definitely help jog your memory if they decide to text you in the future.  If you never hear from them again...who cares?  One more unused contact in your phone won't kill you.  Also, this comes in handy if you really don't like the person, and don't wish to speak to them.  I normally add "Creeper" as their last name if I don't want to talk to them anymore.

So there is my tip.   How many of you have ever been a victim of the unknown number text?

Next Episode:  Wednesday's with Whorie...

Workin' the Poll

Okay the results from the first poll are in.  Here we go:

With 100% of the precincts reporting we are going to say that this poll is too close to call.

We have a tie between Mazda Miata and a Jeep Wrangler.  In the event of a tie I get to decide.  My analysis is below.

Mazda Miata 
Small wannabe sports car.  Not overly manly, so okay for a cocksucker to drive.  Really only a fag's car, not much dyke appeal.

Jeep Wrangler
Rugged all terrain vehicle.  Oozing with masculinity.  The wannabe macho fags and dykes both love this vehicle.

I've made my decision.

The winner is.... the Jeep Wrangler.

The dykes swayed my vote.  Be sure to vote in the new pole.

Still up...Textacular Tuesday

Miscellaneous Monday

This is the first Miscellaneous Monday.  I'm still trying to work out all of the different types of posts I will make.  I'm open to suggestions, so please feel free to use the "Email Me" button to the left of the blog.  Also, you can feel free to ask me for advice, if you feel that I might be able to help.  I will try not to make fun of your problems.

So today I was in my local drug store, and I noticed something a bit odd.  In the small conservative town I am from you definitely would not have seen the two things below in the same isle, much less on the same shelf.

Back home enema's are used by old people who are constipated.  In the big gay city of Atlanta they're used by gay guys who's assholes aren't sparkling clean.  I was actually kind of surprised they weren't kept behind a locked case.  I do live in the ghetto.  I did pick up some fruit drank while I was there.  Overall, I would say this is just another sign that I'm in a big gay city.

What are some other signs that you're living in a big gay city?

Next Episode:  Textacular Tuesday

Monday Morning Wood

There is nothing quite like the pleasure of morning wood.  So to help your week start off right here is your Monday morning wood.  It isn't perverted...it's just natural.

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That was hot.  Did you enjoy it?

Still Up:  Miscellaneous Monday...

Sunday's Sinful Sex

Today is the Lord's Day.  After getting up and going to church, I have decided to write a series of blogs about truly sinful sex.  We're not talking normal people sex.  No missionary here folks.  This will be the stuff you may not have ever heard of, hoped no one really did, or thought was an urban legend.

For our first edition we will keep it light and fairly mundane discuss Rimming.  No, it doesn't involve tires.  I wish it did, though.  I would be more likely to get involved in the activity if it was tires.

Rimming is the act of licking someone's poop hole.  Many gay men do it, enjoy it, and somehow don't vomit.  I've heard straight people sometime do it too, but I highly doubt it.  One of the many benefits of being straight.  (Minus the whole eating vagina stuff)  If you haven't guessed by now, I don't do it.  I refuse to dine at the butt buffet.  However, I have no problem letting someone go down there on me.  Whatever floats your boat.  It does feel nice when being done, but I can't get past the idea getting poop in my mouth.  Is it likely to happen with someone who takes hygiene seriously?  Probably not, but I haven't found someone I am ready to take that leap off the cliff into the hole with.

For those readers who are interested in dining on someone else's poo chute, I have created a diagram below.  I hope it helps you...FREAK!

I hope I have helped educate some of you.  We will get into some deeper stuff later on.   Get it... deeper?  It was a butt hole joke.  So tell me do you engage in this act?

Next Episode:  Miscellaneous Monday

Slutty Saturday

Welcome to the first edition of Slutty Saturday.  This may not reoccur once I get all of the details of the blog fleshed out.  Fleshed out...get it?  Slutty Saturday...flesh.  I'm always down for a good pun.  On Slutty Saturday we will review something from my past that was a wee bit or a whole lot slutty. 

So have you ever been in a car and had no where else to be alone? ...With someone else?  I have.  When in need a car can serve as more than your mode of transportation.  I have given a blow job in a car.  THERE I SAID IT!  Let the judgement begin.  Mind you this was in daylight, in a family park, and on a first date.  Slutty?  Yes, I am ashamed.

So what is something slutty that you have done? 

Next Episode:  Sunday's Sinful Sex

Fucked Up Friday

Welcome to the blog's first edition of the soon to be classic "Fucked Up Friday".  On "Fucked Up Friday" we will examine something that happened to me that is truly fucked up, a story from a friend that was fucked up, or just something about society that is fucked up.   Feel free to vomit in the comments afterward.

For the first installment of the "Fucked Up Friday" we will review a friend's folly.  My best friend, who for the sake of privacy will be referred to as Juggelette, began her sexual career extremely early.  Her career has reached many heights, but has also seen some extreme lows.  Today we will examine one of those lows.

When a young "lady" loves a man, or person with a penis, they may decide to share their love in an act we all call sex.   The young couple may be inexperienced, but they know they don't want the added responsibility of teenage pregnancy.  Buying condoms when you're 14 can be a truly embarrassing experience, probably too embarrassing and expensive for the average preteen.  So, what is a sexually active young "lady" to do?  Improvise.

When one is needing to have sex and is looking to use unconventional protection one will look to the most common items in their surroundings.  One may very well look to plastic wrap, a plastic bag, or...possibly...a...Walmart bag.  Yes, a Walmart bag can double as a contraceptive.  The effectiveness in this case was 100%.  (Thank God)  However, I cannot guarantee it's effectiveness, so use at your own risk.

That's it.  Pretty fucked up, huh?  So what is the weirdest thing you have ever used as a makeshift condom?  What would you have done if you were in Juggelette's position?

Also, we will hear more about Juggelette's story in the future.

Next Episode:  Slutty Saturday...

What is an "ungay homo"?

Excellent question!

Ungay Homo  |ʌngā ˈhōˌmō|
   noun (pl. Ungay Homos)
   A gay man that lacks many or all of normal gay or fag like tendencies.
   ORIGIN 2010:  ME.

I am an ungay homo.  Why? 

I don't have any of the normal gay characteristics.  Key identifiers:

• I don't work out all the time...ok...ever.
• I don't have a lisp.
• I hate Glee.
• Musicals make me want to commit suicide.
• I can't dance.
• I buy ugly shoes.
• I don't want to go purse shopping with you.
• I don't like pride-ish things.
• And many more...

In general I find myself at odds with most other gay men quite often.  My friends quickly picked up on my ungay tendencies, and began referring to me as "the worst gay ever" or "The Ungay Homo".  After many years of trying to fit the gay mold, I have decided to embrace my ungay homo self.

There is my definition of the phrase.  Now that you have an idea of what an ungay homo is, what are some other identifiers of the ungay homos?

NEXT EPISODE:  Fucked Up Friday.

Welcome

Come on in y'all and take a load off....

Yeah, I don't talk like that...Welcome.

In this blog I intend to share my struggles, dating life, and inner most thoughts with all of you.  I hope that this blog will help you to better understand me.  Additionally, I hope that this blog may help some other ungay homos out there.

Yeah, this isn't going to be "that" kind of a blog.

My blog may be funny, outrageous, or FABULOUS!  However, when I intend to truly be taken serious, you will know.  I will write about my experiences, my theories, or maybe just some shit I made up.   This blog may offend you, make you laugh, or make you want to strangle me.  I'm happy with any of those, but right now this blog is making me want a sandwich.

That's all for now.  In the next entry, I will answer the burning question you all have "What is an ungay homo?".